Wednesday, March 4, 2015

An occasional piece

The background to this one is rather bizarre. The immortal Pat Robertson recently called marijuana use slavery to vegetables and added that God can help us beat our addiction, since he gave us dominion over all the earth, including vegetables. A group called Poetry Cafe, which I'd never heard of, issued a challenge for verses on the topic. Herewith my contribution. The title, unfortunately, was chosen for me.

By Joe Barron

Of all the evils in the world,
From witchery to wedgies,
The greatest evil I have known
Is slavery to veggies.

I live in thrall to celery,
To broccoli and beets,
To endive and arugula,
To lettuce and to leeks.

I take commands from red tomatoes
Stewing in the pot.
They're veggies, too. I'll kill the man
Who tells me that they're not.

And what of carrots, what of corn,
Asparagus and peas?
The USDA pyramid
Has brought me to my knees.

But one day I know I’ll be free
To eat some cheesy fries,
Some donuts and some minty shakes
And lemon custard pies.

For God hath given us dominion
Over everything
That creeps or crawls upon the Earth
Or soars upon the wing.

And since He’s put His whole creation
At our beck and call,
The Bastard’s simply got to watch
My damned cholesterol.

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